sometimes we sit around
just the two of us on the park benchprev post was a tad dramatic, i know. but i honestly felt so awful though yes, Sab wldnt think it ws a big deal..BUT STILL.
talking abt dramatism (?), i saw REE ystd! its been a long time since ive been overwhlemed with such brimming joy jst by seeing someone smile at me like that. the stinky location for such untimely reunion (the loo at cine) was only a pgymy (yes, Jiangtzu, i found out wht it means..it actually has a meaning!) misfortune that did not dampen our exuberance! good to see her after like, 3 months. :D :D
so yesterday we had the most successful shopping trip together (usually his comments make me want to run out of the shops HAHA)
and you made me think abt all the friends i made and how all the passivity (?) just curtailed the entire relationship as though it meant nothing..it's as though we all made an unvoiced pact to just fade away, that holding on was one of those things that was indirigible, that we couldnt steer it otherwise and take control of things for once. but everyone of those good friends i made meant a lot, and many times i wish we were all better at expressing ourseleves..or that we could just turn all the thoughts into action..but ohwell. what's done is done..
anyway in the midst of all that ennui (okay actually i secretly like being bored sometimes, just to have the luxury to sit around and stone and think about things out of the line) i was reading Other Stories And Other Stories by Ali Smith and it was really good! been a long time since i read something so profoundly striking. there are like, a series of short stories in it and though some of them are really rather abstract that i cannot quite fathom, i had many favourites and this one, i guess, was the best :
(a snippet of the snippets)
listen, i say, and i want to tell you the whole story, but it rolls around dangerously in my head. so i say,
what if there was a great boulder in the room, and you've no idea how it go it, its so much bigger than the door.
what? you say. you turn beside me, speaking into my back.
a boulder. its nearly as big as the room, i say. and its slowly coming towards you-
towards me? you say.
towards us, i say, and its crushing all the things in the room.
it'd better not, you say. we havent paid this bed off yet, im not having it destroyed by a stupid, what is it, boulder?
but listen. what if there was a great big stone in the room, i say, big enough to almost be up to the ceiling, and as wide as from there to there.
a stone, you say sleepily. as big as the room. coming towards us. wheres my chisel? get me a chisel, find something we can use as a hammer. you'd pay a fortune for that much rock at a stonemason's.
under the convers you take my hand and turn it around, put your fingers throuhg mine, interlocked, and you fall asleep like that, holding my hand.
that's all it takes. one glance, one sidelong blow from you, and a rock as big as a room explodes into little bits of gravel. i pick around in the shards of it, remember someone i saw today in the art gallery, a stranger, a man who sat down next to my sleeping father with such care, trying not to wake him. i remember my father like he was way back then, showing me the inside of the plug and which colour went where, and i think of my father now, flirting with a woman in a supermaket. i make the woman very good-looking, to please him, and a little like my mother, to please us both. i remember the man i saw all those years ago in the space where the garage had been, cradling his genitals like he was holding a creature
(the psycho was flashing at the narrator when she was little); and the fathers, stupid with protection, hurling themselves along the backs of the houses; and my mother telling me to shield my eyes so the hairspray chemicals wouldnt get in them. and then i think back to jackie and me in london waiting at that bus stp, two teenage girls in a random city, good enough to believe the lies that a stranger told, even caring in the first place that the stranger might be sad.
(the stranger was planning to do harm to them and trick them into her house. and jackie and the narrator had something on between them in their teenage years. gotta read the rest of the story to get this whole chunk but anyway..)youre next to me asleep with my hand still in yours, my father is snoring in the hall, and im not long from sleep myself. i lie in our unpaid bed and trust you, carelessly, precariously, with my whole heart. thats the story finished, thats all there is to it. one last time though, before i lock the door on it for the night, turn the sign from Open to Closed, i picure jackie, wherever she is, wherever she might be in the world.
i imagine shes holding such a hand. i imagine her safe and sound.
-
okay that was long.
was shuffling my poddie the other day and out came all the songs i havent heard in a long time..
there's lfo..
Sometimes we sit around
Just the two of us on the park bench
Sometimes we swim around
Like the dolphins in the ocean of our hearts
But then I think about the time
When we broke up before the prom
And you told everyone that I was gay, OK
Sometimes I walk around the town
For hours just to settle down
But I take you back and you kick me down and thrs blink 182..
In the car, I just can't wait
To pick you up on our very first date
Is it cool if I hold your hand
Is it wrong if I think it's lame to dance
Do you like my stupid hair
Would you guess that I didn't know what to wear
I'm just scared of what you think
You make me nervous so I really can't eathahah. sweet old pop.
Far East has really cool stuff (but i have yet to really try them out bcos someone was being so condescending :O..KIDDING). cant wait to check out Marina Sq ltr with Phi-
& V for Vendetta's good. a little like American History X, not less real, but maybe a bit more romanticized. and i cannot get enough of Natalie Portman! i loved her in Closer with Jude Law!
